hey america / in your first shoes / walk into me

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 07:34:27 GMT

OKAY.
I AM USING THIS LIVEJOURNAL NOW.
utica
its sort of new. mostly old.
i just like the layout better and am too lazy to change this one or make a new journal.
see ya babies.

welcome to the dollhouse

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 02:52:34 GMT

dear watercolors

this has been a rough week. for anyone in the world who doesnt already know, daisys compact mice is basically broken up. who knows if its for good, considering the band has been a hugely important part of my life for the past couple years, and i fucking love us, but sometimes you just do what you gotta do to survive. anyone know what songs thats from?

the weather has been amazing. i wish i lived somewhere where it was always this cold. where it would only snow during december, and never heavy, just light christmas snow. then spring would start late january, and go until june where then it would be hot for about two weeks so one could swim and camp, then progress directly into fall for july, august, september, october, and november. and i could always wear sweatshirts and thick socks.

i bought cat powers first record dear sir, and beat happenings first record jamboree, and an azure ray cd from testdepartment. i need new music really bad. anyone have any suggestions? i want sweet new rock that i havent heard before or 68 degrees outside calming music that i can sleep too and drive around when its cloudy.

i think i am buying a new car. a white creepy rapist van with no side windows. my sister got in a 5 car accident last week so i think i am going to be giving her my olds. good old clarrise, she has seen better days. as soon as i get a van, i am going to chicago twice, and new york for a weekend.

i have never made a livejournal post like this before.
here i am, i do things, goodnight my air.

sleep tight, sweet dreams, dont take any shit from me.

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 05:43:54 GMT

heart/beats
beats/heart
dead in its tracks.
i macrame my hands
to get a better grip
on life

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 06:02:15 GMT

lady lazarus, here, is, morning

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 10:19:19 GMT

one, two;
black moons, said great men,
bring black death.
but i am not this-
this,
this hiss...
that creeps up upon
livid limps
and wretches them blind.
i am not this,
this divine drama
twisting and bursting, in throws of great sorrow.
great,
ecstasy.
black moons stretch great black marks upon my thighs.
give you something to reach for in the dark,
some
upraised beauty.
breathless and starless
i beg of you,
back away from this,
this,
abyss.
it can only move to martyr you now.
and i will not be the cause of that.
we both stand on our own two feet.
let us not forget.
lest we cease to concede,
to tangle.
it takes two,
two my dear sir.
so spout this disease against the eastern wall,
she sings.
here,
here my baby boy,
is morning.

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 00:59:43 GMT

OKAY.

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 00:36:17 GMT

WE ALL NEED TO KNOW THIS INFORMATION

- name: CORRIE KATHLEEN HARRIGAN
- date of birth: MARCH 24TH 1985
- hair colour (ex. pink as a cat boner): BLACK LIKE MY HEART
- eye colour (ex. black as my soul): GREY AND BLUE LIKE
- tallness: MEDIUM
- fattness: A LITTLE EXTRA BAGGAGE
- tattoos you'd like to get to impress people: BIG BLACK HEART ON MY ARM, SKULL ON MY TOE
- most recent movie you saw, and it's level of importance in your life: HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN. MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE.
- job you'd like to have: BARTENDER, BURLESQUE HOUSE OWNER
- describe the person you'll be in 20 years after you've lost all hope: HOMELESS PUNK GIRL LIVING ON THE STREET IN LA WITH A BIG DOG DRINKING A LOT OF BEER AND GETTING IN KNIFE FIGHTS
- if you could replace any piece of your body with some robot, what would you replace? MY FIST
- what you'd like god to look like: COURTNEY LOVE
- most recent song you listened to, and it's level of importance in your life: ASK THE ANGELS - THE DISTILLERS. NOT REALLY THAT IMPORTANT. ITS MORE JUST MUSIC TO ROCK OUT TO IN THE CAR.
- obsessions / addictions: HARRY AND THE POTTERS, PJ HARVEY, SWEATSHIRTS, NICE WEATHER
- person you'd like to hit with a hammer, but not kill: BEN BEAVER

WHAT IS BETTER?
coke / pepsi: COKE
canada / mexico: MEXICO
elvis / the beatles: THE BEATLES
jesus / santa claus: JESUS. COS HE THREW THAT KID OFF A ROOF WHEN HE WAS A TEENAGER
knife fights / taco bell: KNIFE FIGHTS!
little caesers / dominos (before the noid left): LITTLE CEASERS
bottled water / stale pepsi: BOTTLED WATER
crystal clear pepsi / surge: SURGE
michael jackson / rap music: RAP MUSIC
smoking ground up toenails / sleeping in poop: SMOKING GROUND UP..POOP. SHIT. NEITHER. BOTH ARE FUCKING HORRIBLE.

SINGLES GOING STEADY.
- boyfriend / girlfriend / no one: BOYFRIEND
- liberace / bi / straight as an arrow: BI
- first thing you'd do if you were single: FUCK JILLIAN
- first thing you'd do if you got married: TRAVEL ACROSS THE COUNTRY IN A MOTORHOME
- things people should say to you if they wanna get in your pants: LETS GO LISTEN TO PJ HARVEY AND READ BOOKS.
- who causes the problems in your relationships, you or them? BOTH.
- someone you would never want to have any kind of sex with: DRACO MALFOY

LISTS / THINGS / SMELLS / INFORMATION.
- list some things that are wrong with you: I DONT WEAR A BRA, I'M A BITCH, I HVAE BAD SKIN, I AM CONTROLLING, I AM IMPATIENT,
- list some things you can't do: SEW, DRAW, SING, RUN LONG DISTANCES,
- list the greatest song ever written: DRESS - PJ HARVEY / LET ME TEACH YOU - DAISY'S COMPACT MICE
- list some friends: TAYLOR, JILLIAN, TINA, LAURA, DONOVAN, DAN
- list possible names for a test tube baby (that you could kill and not get in trouble): CHAD
- list names you hate: STEPHANIE, KATIE, ANDREW, DAVE
- list small dog names: GOMEZ, CORAL
- list big dog names: ZEKE, KATHLEEN,
- list other great pet names (ex. frank the bird): LURCH THE TURTLE, STAPLES THE CAT, ESTHER AND TRUMPET THE MICE
- scary things: THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN
- things that smell good: SOAP, CHERRY ALMOND LOTION, THE OCEAN, LAKES, PUNK SHOWS
- things that smell bad: TAYLOR, ME RIGHT NOW
- most disgusting food combination (ex. mustard / chocolate milk): MILK AND PIZZA
- most disgusting person in the world: KEANU REEVES
- list some stupid things you've done: BOUGHT TOO MANY PURSES THAT I DONT NEED
- things you've learned: ALL TEENAGE BOYS THAT LIVE IN THE SUBURBS AND LISTEN TO THE CLASH ARE FUCKING STUPID
- things you'd like to be able to do: RUN A MILE EVERYONE MORNING
- things people should never say when giving birth: I JUST TOOK A HUGE SHIT
- things to say when the world is coming to an end: FINALLY
- good things about doing drugs: MOST GOOD ART AND MUSIC
- bad things about doing drugs: YOU BECOME COMPLETEY RETARDED AND THE TYPE OF PERSON THAT I WOULD USUALLY UNDER MOST CIRCUMSTANCES KILL
- funny ways to kill people: STRANGLING THEM
- funny things to do in prison: STRANGLE PEOPLE
- funny things to do in a taxi: HAVE SEX

HEROES AND VILLAINS.
(rate your super powers from 1-10)
strength:*****
intelligence:************
energy projection:***
mental powers:********
fighting ability:************************
speed:***
what is your secret move / mutant power / weapon of choice? BOOT KNIFE AND
what's your outfit? HOT PANTS AND COMBAT BOOTS
how do you wear your hair? MOHAWK
have you ever killed a guy (how)? MAGIC KNIVES

(rate your attributes from 1-10)
self-esteem:******
attitude:********
health:**********
self-control:*
amount of gay:***********
sex appeal:*************************
ability to control rats:*

WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT?
inspector gadget / chip and dale the rescue rangers: CHIP AND DALE
superman / nazis: NAZIS
captain kirk / james bond: JAMES BOND
raiden from mortal kombat / the emperor: THE EMPEROR
indiana jones / han solo / harrison ford: HARRISON FORD (COS HE TOLD THAT ONE KID THAT TOM HANKS WAS DEAD)
porky pig (with a gun) / edward scissorhands: PORKY PIG (WITH A GUN)
white michael jackson / black michael jackson: BLACK, DUH
dracula / shaft: DRACULA

THE END.
written by batteryacidpies

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 21:41:21 GMT

sorry, i am bored.

[current age ]: 19
[ loc ]: savage
[ height ]: 5'9"
[ siblings ]: mallory and lisa
[ Siblings age ]: umm, 11 and 16?
[ pets ]: none. unfortunetly.
[ eye color ] : grey blue
[ hair color ] : dyed black, naturally brown
[ artistic? ] : meh
[ boyfriend/girlfriend now ]: <3333taylor
[ color of your room]: courtney love
[ what were u doing 15 mins ago ]: downloading songs by rosa
[ u drink ] : too much pop
[ u shy or outgoing ]: it depends. i will talk to anyone really. but i am not psychotically (?sp?) outgoing.
[ had fun this summer ]: i dont know. not especially.
[ feature you notice first ] : facial structures
[ looks/personality ] : well, we all know that we immediately decide whether someone is cool or not based on their looks, but obviously personality is way more important
[ piercings ] : ears and lip
[ tan or fair ] : medium, which i was fairer
[ age difference limit ] : i would feel really uncomfortable dating someone younger or older than me by more than a year
[ smart/dumb ] : what?
[ funny/serious ]: a pleasant mixure of both

MORE ABOUT ME ..

[ chocolate milk, or hot chocolate ] : hot chocolate!
[ mcdonalds or burger king ] : sick. the lesser of two evils would have to be burger king.
[ coke or pepsi ] : coke
[ would you wanna marry your best friend, or the perfect lover ]: definetly best friend
[ tea/coffee/cappuccino ] : gas station cappuccino
[ cats or dogs ] : big dogs are best friends, kittens are just cute
[ milk, dark, or white chocolate? ] : always milk
[ sunny or rainy ] : a pleasant mixure of both
[ summer/spring ] : it has to be late summer, otherwise spring. sweatshirt weather, basically.
[ bunk or water bed ] : water beds kill my back and make me sick, but you cant have sex on bunk beds. ha.

RELATIONS ..

[ Best friends ] : jillian, tina, laura, taylor, donovan, dan!
[ Friends that you look like ] : people always ask if me and tina are sisters, even tho its usually just because we have the same color hair and cut
[ Who you go to for advice the most ] : taylor. even tho i am generally the advice giver.
[ skinniest ] : jillian, twiggy bitch.
[ funniest ] : taylor makes me pee, donovan is sarcastically funniest, tina and laura are sleepy funny, and jillian makes me laugh just by watching her laugh
[ nicest ] : laura is nice to everyone
[ shortest ] : hahaha. R.
[ tallest ] : everyone i know is basically medium height. i think me taylor and donovan are all about the same.
[ changed your life the most ] : <3333taylor

FAVES ..

[ color ] : black. pink. brown.
[ movie ] : jesus son, harold and maude, all 3 harry potters
[ subject ] : whats my favorite subject? in general? women, poetry music art? i dont know. in school english/art.
[ ocean or pool ] : oh god. pools to swim. oceans to stay by for extended periods of time. i cant swim in oceans tho, think of all that scary shit that lives in places that no humans have ever been??? the bottom of the ocean!! aslfakalsdf.
[ silver or gold ] : silverrr.
[ diamonds or pearls ] : i dont wear jewelry at all, but i guess pearls are cuter.
[ sunset or sunrise ] : sunset.
[ showers or baths ] : showers. baths are never as comfortable to lay in as i would like.
[ food ] : mock duck in black bean sauce. just khindo really.
[ snack ]: wheat thins.
[ board game ] : meh.
[ all-time song ] : dress by pj harvey.
[ holiday ] : christmas. just for the atmosphere and how it makes everyone love each other.
[ movie star ] : harrison ford<33
[ magazine ] : bitch/bust/nylon
[ tv show ] : columbo! or the west wing. allison janney...yum.
[ Disney character ] : god i dont know. all the girls are bitches.
[ cologne/perfume ]: gives me a headache. i can only wear flat natural smelling things. like cherry almond. or cocoa butter.
[ brand of sneaker ] : hahah converse i suppose.
[ activity ] : my favorite activity? fucking. um, playing music, being with my friends when we are all in a good mood.
[ fruit ] : cherries
[ juice ] : kool-aid

DO YOU ..?

[ do you like school ] : when i look back on it yes, but not while i was there
[ do you like to talk on the phone ] : very much, but no one else really does.
[do you have your own phone line ] : (952)334-0658

LAST TIME YOU ..

[ last time u showered ]: this morning suprisingly. even tho it had gotten to the point where i absolutely had to cos i went to two punk shows 2-3 days apart and danced my ass off with a bunch of sweaty punk kids, so i was finally forced to.
[ went running ] : HA.
[ worked out ] : HA.
[ danced like a frickin idiot ] : fuck yeah! last show ever at the FIGHT HOUSE! what the kids want, rosa, psychic sister, and the ass cover band
[ went to a movie ] : harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban for the 4th time.
[ talked on the phone ] : jamie at ragstock a couple of hours ago.
[ wished you were somebody else ] : shit man. shut up.

RANDOM ..

[ whats ur middle name? ] : kathleen hanna
[ whats ur online screen name ] : always either twodarkblue, hampsterbaby, tit mouse, utica, or inertia
[ what do u want to do with your life? ] : rock and roll.
[ last time u went to the doctor ] : health insurance lol. the last time was right before my health insurance was about to run out so i made a hasty "female" drs appointment and went on birth control.
[ do u have a credit card ] : check card. i will never have a credit card.
[ do u consider urself a "nice" person ] unless i dont like you then yes. at least i am usually polite.
[ are u stressed out? ] : CONSTANTLY.
[ do u believe in angels? ] : shut the fuck up.
[ what are u driving now? ] : 88 oldsmobile
[ u help pay for it? ] : i paid 1/2
[ do you think your spoiled? ] : i am priviledged, but i know it
[ do u like mustard? ] : fuck no
[ have u seen the exorcist? ] : yes
[ ever been skydiving? ] : NO
[ number of piercings ] : 3

LAST PERSON WHO?

[ Slept in your bed ]: no one ever sleeps in my bed except me or my sister when she hijacks it when i dont come home till late
[ Made you cry ]: myself
[ You shared a drink with ]: taylor and donovan
[ You went to the movies with ]: taylor
[ You went to the mall with] : myself work work work work work
[ Yelled at you ]: only my family yells at me, like mallory this morning for locking the door while i was showering...
[ Said they were going to kill you ]: i dont know if i have ever recieved a death threat. maybe nick johnson in 11th grade during ms staffas history class.

[ What are you going to do after you finish this survey ]: go to the garage, drop off tank girl and cds, go to micheals, buy glossy paper at office max, then make copies of booklets for the runt ep, then i dont know what. a mixture of sleep, burning cds, and probably dinner somewhere.
[ What was the last food you ate? ]: burger king, puke.
[ Are you bored? ]: obviously.
[ Worst feeling in the world? ] : frustration/panic attack/uncontrollable anger over something irrelevant
[ What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?] : holy shit i'm late for work!!ASDFklajh! oh wait, i dont work today. wait, yes i do..shit, what time is it?
[ How many rings before you answer? ]: i never hear my phone ring
[ Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? ]: the ones with personal significance hang out on my bed
[ If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? ]: own my own clothing / record store where my friends could sell their music and art and clothes that they make
[ Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous? ]: righty
[Do you type with your fingrs on the right keys? ]: ahah yeah
[ What's under your bed?]: blocks of wood. drawers.
[ Glasses/contacts ]: neither bitches! i have better than 20/20 vision
[ Are You Timely Or Always Late ]: usually timely. i hate it when people are late tho.
[ Do You Have A Job ]: graders and sorters, ragstock slave, asst manager
[ Do You Like Being Around People ]: what kind of a question is this?

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 08:42:01 GMT

i got my harry and the potters cds today.
wow! that was fast!

tonight i went to a punk show and watched a 40 year old man named tim finger himself in the ass while wearing nothing but a thong, a cock piece, and lots of white powder.

it was fucking amazing.

i think i have severe back problems. there is this spot on my right shoulder blade that is always tight like someone is wringing it through a vice of some kind and stabbing it with a screwdriver. like a pinched nerve. it hurts real fucking bad. hooray for not having health insurance right?

some of these songs uplift and make me emotional in a very embarrassing sort of way. i really really wish that hogwarts was a real place.

i feel like i havent slept for days.

Tue, 20 Jul 2004 07:19:57 GMT

tonight i got a paypal account so i could order the double album pack by harry and the potters.

1. I am a Wizard
2. Platform 9 and ¾
3. The Dark Lord Lament
4. Fluffy
5. Wizard Chess
6. Problem Solving Skillz
7. Back to School
8. The Foil (Malfoy)
9. Follow the Spiders
10. Save Ginny Weasley
11. 2 Weeks to Myself
12. Gryffindor Rocks
13. The Firebolt
14. My Teacher is a Werewolf
15. The Godfather
16. The Fourth Triwizard Champion
17. The Yule Ball
18. These Days are Dark

1. Voldemort Can't Stop the Rock!
2. the Weasle
3. the Missing Arm of Viktor Krum
4. Fred and George
5. Keeping Secrets From Me
6. Cornelius Fudge is an Ass
7. Dumbledore's Army
8. These Dreams Are Dark
9. Stick it to Dolores
10. SPEW
11. the Human Hosepipe
12. Luna Lovegood is OK
13. the Godfather: Part II
14. the Weapon

i am utterly and completely happy.

"oh my god! you look like a frog!"

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 03:48:15 GMT

hibernation / settle down

1. all the pretty horses - if god were caught
2. julie ruin - apt. #5
3. heavens to betsy - my red self
4. against me! - baby i'm an anarchist
5. mates of state - try (?)
6. courtney love - uncool
7. modest mouse - everything rides
8. the postal service - we will become silhouettes
9. bitch and animal - six states away
10. cat power - american flag
11. against me! - 8 full hours of sleep
12. harry and the potters - the godfather partII
13. radiohead - nice dream
14. all the pretty horses - white horses
15. patti smith - break it up
16. pj harvey - the desperate kingdom of love
17. life rocks! - keepers of the fabled city
18. modest mouse - (the ping pong song)
19. bitch and animal - miss me my dear

Sat, 17 Jul 2004 22:55:55 GMT

*The \\*
Last Cigarette:	with matt. last year. shutup. it was the only time.
Last Alcoholic Drink:	with aarin. 7th grade. wine cooler. i'm a poser.
Last Car Ride:	1/2 hour ago. from taylors. to home.
Last Kiss:	last night. taylor.
Last Good Cry:	oh god.
Last Library Book:	rolling stone women in rock. i never brought it back. checked it at least 2 years ago.
Last book bought:	unabriged journals of sylvia plath.
Last Book Read:	harry potter and the goblet of fire.
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:	i, robot.
Last Movie Rented:	i cant even remember. damn you netflix.
Last Cuss Word Uttered:	who fucking knows.
Last Beverage Drank:	coke at kinh do.
Last Food Consumed:	mock duck and black bean sauce
Last Crush:	john colburn.
Last Phone Call:	i'm on the phone right now. with jillian.
Last TV Show Watched:	inside the actors studio featuring billy joel.
Last Time Showered:	at taylors cabin.
Last Shoes Worn:	my blue converse with the pink star laces.
Last CD Played:	distillers mix. dcm practice tape.
Last Item Bought:	hat and knife at ben franklin.
Last Download:	only the good die young.
Last Annoyance:	taylor punching me in the boob really hard.
Last Disappointment:	not having anything to do today.
Last Soda Drank:	coke at kinh do. i already answered this.
Last Thing Written:	coke at kihn do. i already answered this.
Last Key Used:	period.
Last Words Spoken:	yep.
Last Sleep:	what?
Last Ice Cream Eaten:	root beer float.
Last Chair Sat In:	kinh do booth or this computer swivel chair.
Last Webpage Visited:	www.tcpunk.com / www.livejournal.com/users/fuckingpinklady/friends/
Create a survey!

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 06:38:17 GMT

tip it over and spill
totally
these moon chill fingertips crack open
and run run run
goodbye all y'all little babies
see you in a few

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 07:24:24 GMT

HOLY SHIT HARRY.
i want to fuck you.

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 07:49:17 GMT

What does your desktop look like right now?:

What are the three albums you have been listening to the most lately?

(limp wrist discography)

What did you last eat?:

And drink?:

What is the last movie you saw in theaters?

farenheit 911

Favorite Tv show(s)?:

Favorite Movie(s)?:

Male Celebrites you dig?:

Female Celebrities you dig?:

People say you look like?:

But, really..you look like?:

What do you want for dinner?:
OKAY

what book(s) are you currently reading?

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 07:23:09 GMT

i just want to keep rubbing my eyes until the lightbursts behind them turn into shapes i remember and its okay to go to sleep for once.

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 08:03:59 GMT

look.

i have made 6 mix cds in the past couple of days. its nice.
today at ragstock i found a dead hermit crab in the back room. it had a painted shell like the kind you used to be able to buy at the kiosks. it was tres bizarre.
today while at work and reading harry potter and the goblet of fire, at the peak of emotional intensity for poor harry, i started to cry. please dont look at me customers, i just have something in my eye.

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 08:00:10 GMT

this morning i made an acoustic/mellow/courtney/hole mix for dxxxxxn.
when it was done i went to work, unloaded boxes of clothes all day while listening to pj harveys "dry" album on repeat the entire time.
after work i went to target and bought hair dye and went to taylors and dyed my hair, which really means i dyed most of scalp black and i look fairly ridiculous.
whatev.
i watched some of basquiat and listened to laura and taylor argue good naturedly and play music.
afterwards laura went home to get warm, me and taylor beat the shit out of each other and then we went to dennys and talked politics and went to walmart. how punkxxxrawk of us. i bought taylor willow, and myself an almond snickers.
i am really rather tired, and very aware of the fact i am unhealthy and sleep deprived. i am not unhappy today tho, which is nice. i am very calm, very controlled, and havent really felt very much emotion all day.

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 07:18:20 GMT

are you doing anything to celebrate independence day?
nope.
so come to taylors house tomorrow sometime around 5/6 and OMGBBQ with us all.
there will be food, music, fire, and swimming.

you can call me if you want.
(952)334-0658

dont think i am not aware this is my 5th post of the night oaky/.

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 09:05:23 GMT

lets devise some hair brained scheme. so we can run away.

when i was in first grade i got into a fight with my mother. in my rather superior rage, i packed up a small bag and ran away to the coat closet in our entry way. i couldnt have been there for more than a half hour, with that time estimate probably pushing it, until i got so frustrated that no one had come looking for me, i simply emergered from my momentary confinement. only later to be even more crushed when (through a series of sly questioning) i realized she hadnt even noticed i was gone.
i am sure i sulked for hours.

my mom used to think that we were telepathic. when we lived in bloomington, she said that i used to always come up to her and ask her questions about things she had just been thinking about in another room of the house. "mom, can i have some crackers?" as she is pulling them out of the cupboard for me out of my eyesight. small things. lots of coincidences. but i would still like to be telepathic. and i miss my mother.

when we moved i used to go lay down by the credit river in the woods behind our house. i would listen to tori amos on my discman and bring books and journals and lay in the weeds by the edge of the creek. i was a poet unlike i am now.

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 08:45:49 GMT

q:how can i start this sentence off in a new and intriguing yet thought provoking manner?
a:thats fucking impossible.

how many times has someone used the word disaster in a sentence?
how many times has a confused girl thrown a hissy fit about life and decided it would obviously fix all her problems if she could just run away to new york.
how many women want to be the next anne sexton or sylvia plath or kathleen hanna?
how many people really ever get what they want?

contrary to what it would probably seem, i am not as depressed as you would think. i mean, i think about suicide and killing myself and flinging myself from buildings or the stove or the big cut as much as the next kid i would imagine. but my pain is not special. its actually really gross. if only i were glamorously painful, then perhaps that would be something.

you cannot be glamorously painful while on the internet.

instead, you are 3:37 am trying to pass the time between when you are //forced to go to bed (even tho you have been ready to fall dead at your feet for the past 5 hours) by the inability to either no longer function your eyeballs at the correct speed and with the correct dexterity for everyday web surfing or you simply become so disgusted with yourself and america online that you have to just lay down// and the time when you have been up so long that you start to think about how life = shit in so many ways that are overwhelming on the large scale.

ugh.

list of things that are basically, beautiful:

-days where it is really sunny but the clouds are so big and so clumpy that the sun can only break through every now and then in a blazing sort of way where all the edges of the sky get silver

-okay, cat power. OBVIOUSLY.

-hands out the windows of cars

-having days where you are just extravagent to the max and buy expensive dinners and cds and go to see movies and buy new sunglasses and new tshirts and misc food to shove in big bags to smuggle into said movies even tho you are so goddamned broke that you want to scream but i mean, fuck it, really.

-black cotton sheets

-how i once used to know a girl who kept a journal everyday of just things that she saw in the world that she thought were beautiful.

-the circus, the carnival, two headed boys and girls

i wish i could think of more, but my eyes are swimming.
someone leave me beautiful things at my internet doorstep.

maybe just

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 08:31:02 GMT

something to pass the hours
while we sit here deathly ill
hard pressed to simply devour
the minutes we've overkilled

stale bread you handed over
my palms were offered up
you've been burned to form another
i dont really give a fuck

simply
simple girl
i am just looking
i say
you hardly need to linger
upon my chest
my belly
stop laughing
this is the way god made me

i am determined

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 08:22:41 GMT

underneath your half moon
a slim girl drops pears into the lake
how selfish
down deep in that demanding water
skimming overs torrents of
your damned heart
bleeding through
attracting small deaths
colors come bursting forth shot dead center
at the heavens and her
goddamned pretty face
STOP IT
STOP IT
STOP IT
STOP IT
i dont know how
i feel like i couldnt
cant
dont know how
could never possibly
confess
i dont even know what that word means
i jsut wnat to see words on a screen
on paper
preferably
but i broke both my hands and
i am
typing in tounges
typing with mouth
head to my feet
i have sores everywhere
a small discolored bruise at the base of my spine
that i asked to be
please
beat the shit out of me
the funny part is
i am not joking
i did request to have knuckles torn into my torso to alleviate my severe lower back pain

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 08:09:25 GMT

there is a savage lighttt
that hits your face
in these cold hard places that we call home
makes it bone crushing
to suck it all in and give you
my kisses
my love
you are
twisted up
all around me
baby,
cool down

hard to
these are nights for desperate affections
but your gums grip at me
and i guess you could say i am torn

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 05:55:18 GMT

Today was really awful.
I got out of bed because I had to throw up. I'm really sick. I mean REALLY sick.

I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.

I'm so sad. My kitten got run over this afternoon. I found him when I was coming home from school. His head was all squished. I took some photos. I'll miss him. Poor kitty.

Last night I had to finish my term paper on the history of pre-communist Russian society. I focussed on the needs of women. I think it's ok, but if I don't pass this I'll lose my scholarship.

I want to tell the world to get fucked.

I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Right, shut the fuck up.

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I am pregnant. Which fucking sucks.

lol abort.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
Powered by Rum and Monkey